Forgiven

Some days are harder than others, and this year, it was February 14th that broke the camel's back.

On Valentine's Day, the whole kindergarten class got to decorate sugar cookies with frosting, so I sent Blythe to school with heart shaped toast and her favorite sugar-free raspberry jam (it's seriously delicious).

That evening, at the end of dinner, Blythe proudly announced that her teacher brought her a sugar-free cookie that looked just like everyone else's. "Wasn't that so nice of her?"

But I knew that wasn't true. So I pushed for more answers, and sensing she might be in trouble, Blythe changed her story. Said she made it up. And that she decorated the toast from her lunch pail.

I even tried tricking the answer out of her, "what'd the cookie taste like?" And she was quick on her feet to rebound "I don't know, I didn't eat a cookie. I had toast."

I guess she forgot smiling for the camera. With her sugar cookie covered in raspberry jam.

At bedtime, I confronted her about the cookie. I didn't want to. I wanted to forget about the whole thing. What's done is done. Because I get it, sometimes we need a little splurge for our mental well-being. But on the flip side, she has to understand that lying isn't ok. And in particular, lying about her diet could have real consequences.

One day she'll be old enough to determine when it's ok to splurge, but for now, that's mom's decision.

After a lot of crying, Blythe admitted that she accidentally ate the heart shaped toast at lunch. Which meant she had nothing to put her jam on during craft time. So she snuck a cookie, decorated it with her jam, and then ate it.

Our hearts broke together. It was clear she felt guilty, and her cries were deep.

And then I felt a pain I’ve never felt before. Blythe blurted out through eyes full of tears “I PROMISE AT RECESS TOMORROW I'LL RUN THE WHOLE TIME, I WON'T STOP, I'LL JUST KEEP RUNNING!”

My soul was crushed by the palpable weight she was carrying.

Blythe. My baby. You shouldn’t have to worry about your health at this age. You should be a kid that sneaks her finger in the birthday cake, and I should be the mom that pretends I didn’t see it (because I sometimes need to "tidy up" the edge of the frosting too). You’re too young to know that running burns off extra calories or that livers store energy for everyone to use but you. And a five-year-old's vocabulary definitely should not include "Glycogen Storage Disease".

You shouldn't have to hear someone say that no one can have a treat because Blythe is here. Or have to give away all your piñata candy to be left with nothing but a party hat. Or walk past cotton candy stands that smell amazing at the fair. Or have one boring grilled chicken option on any menu. Or have a mom counting every single thing that enters your mouth.

But unfortunately, this is your reality. It’s where God put us. And he has a good reason for it, I have no doubt.

After ugly crying together and sharing one of the most special hugs that I’ll never forget, Blythe prayed for forgiveness, and we talked about God’s grace, and how we are forgiven because Jesus died on the cross to wipe away our sins.

The next morning before school, I told her that she had a very important job these next few weeks. She has to work very hard to be honest, even when it’s not easy, so that she can earn back our trust.

And with a big smile on her face, she matter-of-factly said “Yeah, but I’m already forgiven because Jesus forgave me.”

Yes, and isn't she just a shining example of the child-like faith Jesus urges us to have.

I love you Blythe, no matter what.

For I will be merciful toward their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more.

Hebrews 8:12

For by grace you have been saved through faith.

Ephesians 2:8

Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.

Mark‬ ‭10‬:‭15‬